


You Don't Trust Me (I Don't Trust Myself)

by TheLittle_BeeThatCould



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abuse, Deaf Character, Deaf TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exile, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, L'Manberg | L'Manburg on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Main characters listed, Manipulation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Others Mentioned - Freeform, Pogtopia, Suicidal Thoughts, Technoblade brother, election
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29817105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittle_BeeThatCould/pseuds/TheLittle_BeeThatCould
Summary: Tommy has fucked up for what seems to be the last time. This time it causes him his hearing.(or)Author has an obsession over traumatizing characters and bitter-sweet stories. Here is DeafInnit AU so take it. Some canon parts of DSMP out of order but whatever.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Kudos: 29





	1. In the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Panic attacks, suicidal thought, self harm, graphic violence, abuse, and manipulation  
> (tw throughout all chapters, not all of these are in just this chapter)
> 
> This chapter is a little unexplained, short, and rushed.

It was just the three of them. Tubbo talking about the interesting facts he learned about bees, Wilbur playing his guitar, and Tommy listening to them both while talking about the flowers around them. Just the three of them. Tommy did always say it was him and Tubbo against the world. 

Everyone played a role in their trio. Tommy would make crazy decisions seemingly never thinking twice Tubbo would try to talk Tommy out of it but would tag along anyways, and Wilbur who would lecture them while he patched them up. 

They would never abandon each other. They started L’manburg to escape the rules. It was a safe space to do what they wanted without consequences. They worked hard for it. 

Hell- Tommy gave his discs up for L’manburg. They were his most prized possessions. No one other than him would ever know why. He loved his country- he really did. But sometimes it felt as if it was never meant to be. 

~~~~~ 

He lost his life to Eret’s betrayal, the words spoken will haunt him forever. 

“Down with the revolution boys, it was never meant to be” 

Everyone was down to two lives. Tommy and Tubbo were children. Two children. And for the first time in a while, they were scared. 

He wanted to run. Run with Tubbo and Wilbur. Abandon the SMP. He wanted to be truly free from the hands of Death. Dream would never let the be happy. 

~~~~~ 

Schlatt exiled them. Tommy and big brother Wilbur were now in hiding. Not allowed in their homes. The ravine called Pogtopia would never be home. Would L’manburg ever be his home again? He lost two lives and his discs for it. What did he get in return? Exile. He wanted to scream and cry. He wanted to run. To sleep and never wake up. It was hard. 

Wilbur still loved and cared for him, right? 

~~~~~ 

“Tommy, are we the bad guys?” Wilbur questioned. 

“Of course not. We’re jsust overthrowing a dictator. Dictators are bad Wilbur.” He replied, staring out to the festival. 

“I’m going to blow it up.” 

“WHAT? Why?” 

“L’manburg isn’t our home anymore.” 

“What do you mean? Of course, it is!” 

“I’m serious Tommy. Dream is going to help me whether you like it or not.” 

He wasn’t lying. Wilbur blew it up. During Tubbo’s acceptance speech he went to the button. Phil should have stopped him; Tommy should have stopped him! They all watched. Watched as Phil killed Wilbur- his own son. Watched as Techno spawned withers and Dream runs off. They all watched as two helpless children are caught amidst all of this. It was all Tommy’s fault and no one seemed to disagree.


	2. The First Time Death Was Too Close For Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream didn't want to hurt him right? Either way he can't know what Tommy saw. Never tell Death what you saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attacks, suicidal thought, self harm, graphic violence, abuse, and manipulation  
> (tw throughout all chapters, not all of these are in just this chapter)

No one cared for him, only Dream. Only Death himself showed that he cared. He was only teaching Tommy a lesson. He had been exiled by his best friend because he was a liability? And he decided not to even visit or explain himself. No one visited. Ranboo did for a while, but then he stopped coming. 

Sure, Dream would come by and blow his stuff up, but that’s all! It was just a lesson that needed to be taught. 

He would come by in the morning and leave him at night. It was painful to see him go. Tommy is only 16 and is so so alone. Dream is all he has. He can’t beg him to stay, Dream will punish him. He is the only one who cares about him, so why punish him? Tommy has learned to never question Death. 

The first time he slipped up he asked him-no- begged him to stay the night. Dream said no, he should have listened. He took his sword and stabbed him right through his stomach. Tommy didn’t feel it. He doesn’t think he felt it. Tears started to fall, but no pain was brought with them. Dream pulled the sword out and Tommy still didn’t feel it. 

“I care about you Tommy; this is for your own good.” Dream said sympathetically. Tommy wanted to believe him. He really did. He almost did. 

Dark. It was so dark and oh so cold. It was wet. Why was it wet? Oh- he was in a lake. Well, a puddle? It was barely a few centimeters of water on the ground. He was in the deepest depths of the void of misery. It was him and Dream. Death was so near. Tommy felt the pain. He looked down at the hole in his chest. Then his hands. He saw the little glow in his hand. The shape of a butterfly. Then there was two. Then three. Then a million little butterflies flew up from his hand surrounding him. It was all white for just a moment. Then he was back, back at Logstedshire. 

“I hope you learned your lesson, Tommy. I don’t want to do this to you.” Of course, Dream healed him. 

~~~~~ 

” Oh Tommy, you silly little boy,” a voice spoke to him. 

“W-who are y-you?” He questioned. 

“I am you.” 

“What? What d-do you m-mean?” 

“I am you, Tommy. I know you. I feel you.” 

“S-stop it. I don’t know you!” 

“But you do! Who else am I? I know everything you have ever said and done.” 

“N-no! Stop it!” 

“Oh Tommy, you’ll understand someday.”   
“W-what's that s-supposed to mean?” 

“You’ll see.” 

Tommy was in a dark room, not like the one he had seen when he almost died. This one was small and hot. Excruciatingly hot. Not the void of misery, not the void of hope. Not the good void. But a very bad one. He’s been here before, but when? 

The boy awoke. Drenched in sweat although the outside was very cold. His little tent didn’t do much to keep him warm. It was almost sunrise, he thinks. He’s not sure of the time. 

He can’t tell Dream about what he saw when he almost died. He can’t tell him about his nightmare either. He can’t tell Death anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I refer to Dream as Death or a Death Angel. In this story Tommy does as well and I'll explain why later. And no he didn't die. He almost died. The different voids will be explained later.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Dream finds out that Tommy refers to him as Death and slits his throat. The Void is back and so is someone else...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attacks, suicidal thought, self harm, graphic violence, abuse, and manipulation  
> (tw throughout all chapters, not all of these are in just this chapter)

The second time Tommy messed he was scared. Just scared. Too scared for Dream’s liking. He had blown up the young boy’s tools once again. He usually would just start working after but this time something was off. Dream seemed different... disappointed. It was strange to say the least. Once Dream wouldn’t leave after blowing up his stuff Tommy just knew there was something wrong and it terrified him. He hadn’t realized he was panicking. Dream noticed very quickly. 

“Stop it, Tommy” Dream said sternly. “That is very rude and unnecessary.” 

“I-I'm s-sorry Death- I mean Dream!” he shakily replied. “P-please don’t h-hurt me.”   
He was sobbing at this point. He was scared. He messed up. He called Dream Death to his face. He was going to be punished. Be in pain. He hadn’t realized he said this all out loud. 

“Death you say? Well, that’s a new one. You know, Tommy, there was a story I heard once.” Dream said. 

“What w-was it?” 

“The boy who cried wolf. The boy reminds me of you.” 

“I know t-that story. How d-does the boy remind y-you of me?” 

“Tommy, you’re always lying to people. This time, no one will believe you.” 

“What do you--” 

Before the boy could finish his words Dream’s sword cut across his throat. Pain. So much pain. He actually felt it this time. His body lied limp on the ground- not quite dead. He couldn’t breathe. 

He was back at the Void of Misery. The little hope he had of leaving almost extinct. Dream was there. Stood with sword in hand stained with blood. Tommy saw the butterfly on his hand. He knew he was going back. It never seemed to be his time to die. The sound of breaking glass brought him back from the Void. 

~~~~~ 

“It’s for your own good.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Tommy.” 

“Listen to me.” 

“Put your stuff in the hole.” 

“Wilbur’s dead Tommy, he’s not coming back.” 

“They don’t care about you Tommy. Only I care about you.” 

“Tommy” 

“Tommy!” 

“Tommy!” 

“Ghostbur?” 

“No Tommy. It’s me, Wilbur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I quickly wrote this lmao


	4. Death and Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death is kind, Destiny not as much. Dream is not quite Death. No one compares to Destiny. Tommy might regret his choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attacks, suicidal thought, self harm, graphic violence, abuse, and manipulation  
> (tw throughout all chapters, not all of these are in just this chapter)
> 
> This chapter is a little unexplained, short, and rushed.

“W-Wilby?” Tommy asked. 

“Yeah Toms, It’s me.” Wilbur replied. “I’m not gonna let Dream hurt you.” 

“Please don’t leave me Wil.” 

“Tommy, I’m not gonna leave you. I want to help you” 

“I don’t know what to do Wilbur. I’m exiled. I can’t go near L’manburg or the Dream SMP. I know Techno doesn’t want me near him.” 

Tommy started panicking. He was all alone. By himself. In the middle of nowhere. Only the ghost of his dead brother can help him. 

“Tommy its ok! Just breathe with me, alright?” 

Tommy started to breathe normally, quiet tears falling from his eyes. 

“Tommy,” Wilbur said. “We need to leave. I need to get you away from here, away from Dream. Let’s go back to L’manburg Tommy. Tubbo misses you, he regrets his decision.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Yes, Tommy, I'm sure. Now let’s go before Dream comes back.” 

~~~~~ 

Death is not an object. He is not quite a person either. He is breathing and alive, but not exactly solid, nor is he a liquid or gas. He is real. Everyone knows that. He is merciful, only taking lives when their time has come. When they have met Destiny. Destiny is, like Death, not quite human. Nothing is impossible is what she would say. But unlike Death, she is not always so kind. She might assign one with something simple, like growing old with a loved one. She might make you a hero. Sometimes, her actions are beyond one’s understanding. She might make one suffer a terrible life, make them become something vile. No one alive has ever met these two. 

Sometimes, you know what you are meant to do. Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you think you do. 

Wilbur thought he knew, but he was incorrect. 

Dream knows. 

Tommy does not. 

Like Death, Dream takes lives. Dream is referred to as the Angel of Death. He is a way. But unlike Death, Dream is cruel. He takes and takes. He takes anything and everything for himself. He takes lives for no reason other than see their blood on his hands. He manipulates until he is seen as a god. 

Dream is not Death himself, but a form of it. With every misery and loss, there is hope and courage. 

~~~~~ 

Tubbo was clearly upset. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks, his eyes red and puffy from tears. His hair dirty and unbrushed. As soon as Tommy stepped into L’manburg with Wilbur, he could see all the misery wash away from Tubbo. He ran up and held him in a hug, falling to the floor crying into each other's shoulder. Tommy felt the immense weight on his shoulders being lifted. They sit in silence, holding on to each other for life. Everyone in L’manburg walked over to the boys, tears threating to fall from their eyes. They all knew Tommy had changed, just not in the way they thought. They were all glad to see him back. 

Then they heard the footsteps, the loud footsteps from Death. 

Coming closer, and louder. 

Closer. 

Louder. 

Closer. 

Louder. 

“Tommy? What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be back at exile,” Dream spat, anger and hatred filling his voice. Wilbur’s ghost long gone. Only the people of L’manburg could help him. But they exiled him, they won’t help. 

“D-Dream?” 

“Tommy. You need to go back.” 

“N-no please! I can’t go back.” 

“It’s either come now or I will take your last life.” 

Everyone was terrified. They can't fight a god! They might have him outnumbered, but he was stronger. The ghosts of the unwelcomed surrounded them, holding them still, as Dream approached Tommy, Tubbo behind him. 

“Tommy... lets. Go.” 

“N-no please! Please don’t make me! I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here. Dream please!” 

Dream pulled out his sword. 

“Tommy. Last chance. Come. Now.” 

“Please no! Dream don’t ma-” 

The sword stabbed through his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao Tommy got fucking stabbed.

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many ideas and head-canons to use for this!! This chapter was rushed so I could get to the parts I want to write about


End file.
